To all my friends, I must write. I've been trying to stay pretty emotionally stable through all these changes. I don't know how many of you have seen the fox and the hound, but I've been thinking about the last scene in it. "Copper? You're my best friend." "And you're mine too, Tod." "And we'll be friends forever, won't we?" "Yeah, forever" I love that part of the movie. I don't know, It hasn't hit me I'm leaving yet. As far as I'm concerned I'll wake up tomorrow, watch some tv, hang out with friends, wait for Jared to call me for us to go somewhere. And most of us resist change. It just seems like it was all right and good and now it must change. My room has been emptied, loaded into the back of the van to be deposited of in another state. I don't know if I'll ever be able to say everything I want to those who mean the most to me, but let me just try before another perfect moment slips away.
Hilary-I don't even know if you read this, but just in case... I know most of the time it doesn't seem like it and it doesn't seem like I hang out with you as much as others, but you're at the top of my list of favorite people in this world. I've pretty much been there your whole life, so I know all about your awkward stages and various lists, things we used to do together, how I hated sharing a room with you, and your disgusting feet :) (If I think about it hard enough, they're not all that horrible). No matter what happens I know you'll always be there to talk to and will listen to me. So what if you actually have a bed time and listen to weird music, I never said you were normal. There will be times I'll just be thinking to myself about how glad I am you're my sister. I'm sure we'll still get in stupid arguments or you'll comment on how horrible a driver I am (which isn't far from the truth....just be careful...you're driving now). Anyway, you're like my best friend, and whether you like it or not I'm pretty sure I'll be here most of your life. I'm looking forward to having family dinners together and watching each others kids (if you have any of course). I think there's a ton to look forward to. Thanks for always being there for me.
Tirzah-Oh what crazy fun times we've had. Whether it's playing in the cornfield or getting into very random discussions. I remember thinking you were so weird when I first met you. That first birthday party I went to of yours it felt so odd that I was invited. I never guessed we'd actually become friends. We've had tons of fun times I'll never forget. Like doing weird stuff in a cemetery when it's dark out, mary kay parties, or trying dresses on and taking ridiculous pictures. Next year is gonna be kinda weird without you.
Rebecca-I don't think I could have survived highschool without you. You're the first person who ever introduced themselves to me at faith. I remember thinking that there was no way I'd be stuck with you as someone to hang out with, and I hoped there were more normal people at school. Let's just say first impressions have to always be wrong. You've been there for me through the emotional roller coaster of growing up. Jr. high, I don't know how you put up with me. I don't know how I put up with me. I'm so glad you did. I'm so glad you were so open and told me how it was. And yes....you are usually right. I've always looked up to you and have hoped that some of you has rubbed off on me. I hope when I have a little girl (if I do), that she will be a lot like you. You were a sacrificial friend and put up with a lot of crap from me. There's a ton I could say. None of which would sound quite as profound as I would like. Thanks for not giving up on me and letting me sink into myself.
Natasha-What can I say? I worry about you and I pray for you. You brought so much fun and many good experiences in my life last year. I'm not going to forget you. Don't forget the basics. Don't forget the victories. Don't forget those who love you and would do anything for you. I wish things didn't get so mixed up with us. It seems pretty petty and dumb right now. I'm sorry, I truly am. There are so many more important things and one of the biggest things for me right now is that I want to help you. I'm afraid I don't know how or that I can't. You've come so far, I beg of you, don't forget that ever. Stop going back.
Meg-You were always there for me. You listened to me over and over again and I never felt conflicted talking to you. Again, you were one of those people I didn't think I could be friends with. I'm feeling pretty dumb about now.... Who knew we were neighbors all these years? I really have no idea what I would have done without you last year. I think I would have died from my own insanity. So I decided to let you put up with some of my insanity. You've become one of my most true friends. I would trust you with basically everything. You would keep any secret for me and you have a way of making me feel better when I feel down. You take my mind off of whatever is keeping me down, you make me smile and laugh. I'm so glad we became friends, so very very glad.
Jordan-You make me laugh. We've had plenty of interesting times just eating lunch...you, me, and Meg. Crazy times. I thought you were such a dork when you came...hehehe. I guess you didn't turn out too horribly. I'll always think of very odd things when I think about you. Lunch just won't be the same next year.
Joe-Sometimes I don't know what to make of you. Thanks for talking to me the other night. It was just what I had needed. You can be a really cool guy at times. Of course then I think of the many times you came up behind me and scared me. Then I think of that one time I poured pop all over you....one of my finest moments if I do say so myself :) It still makes me laugh. Keep growing and changing and becoming better and stronger. I hope to talk to you again someday.
Jared-I know you can't read this now, and who knows if you'll read this later, but I certainly don't want to leave you out. I can't believe how far we have come. I never would have guessed things could happen as they have. I certainly hoped for it, but never thought we would actually ever be together. Thank you for talking to me, thank you for listening to me, thank you for everything. Life seems so different without you now. I miss you and I'm praying for you. There were so many times I just wished for time to stop, to freeze. I think we've gotten through a few rough times. Enough for me anyway. I believe with all my heart that what will be, will be. I miss you and you had better come back to me. I don't want you to change too much. I know inevitably some things will change, but I loved who you were before you left to save the world. I put you into God's hands.
I know all that is completely insufficient for what you all have truly meant to me. I don't know what's going to happen. Of course I don't want to lose your friendships and of course I want to see you again. But growing up makes certain things difficult. I just want you all to know you've impacted my life in so many ways. I admire all of you and hope part of all of you has become part of me. Maybe I can leave part of me with all of you too. I'm not one for deep, heartwarming words, and I'm sure some of this could come out in a way that was unintentional. Know that every word I said was with the best intentions and all sincerity. I'm not going to forget you. I'm sure I'll see many of you again. I'm praying for you, pray for me. We are all changing, and just since school got out three months ago so much has happened. It's crazy to think about what could happen in the rest of our lives. Without all of you I really wouldn't be the person I am now. I love you all so very much. I'm going to miss you. E-mail me, call me, I'm bound to get homesick, so please, whenever you feel compelled talk to me. The tears will come later...let it all hit me first. I can't believe this is the end of this chapter of our lives. I'm excited and scared as I'm sure many of you are as well. I'm gonna let God write this chapter. Pray that I grow in His strength and wisdom. I love Him more than I ever thought I could. I thank Him for His mercy and grace. Without Him my life is meaningless.
"I thank my God upon every remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine making request for you all with joy, for your fellowship in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ; just as it is right for me to think this of you all, because I have you in my heart, inasmuch as both in my chains and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel, you all are partakers with me of grace. For God is my witness, how greatly I long for you all with the affection of Jesus Christ. And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment, that you may approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ, being filled with the fruits of righteousness which are by Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God."
Philippians 1:3-11
I love you guys!
